Help me come up with a good insult!?

I'm looking for more of a rant teasing him for following the crowd. He wears fauxhawks, flat brim baseball hats and phiten necklaces. As long as possible so I can pick and choose what fits him most. He found out his friends all get their had cut at the same barber so obviously he has to as well. Feel free to ask questions and I will add needed info later. He is going into tenth grade if that helps. The most witty answer will get best answer. Thanks everyone!